Confidence is a girl’s best accessory!

Believe it or not, I am a highly sexual person who is also very modest… two characteristics that really don’t match up.  I wasn’t a virgin when I met The Hubby, I had been with a handful of men (more like boys), but I wasn’t experienced either.  I knew that I loved sex and how it made me feel, but I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted.  I wasn’t comfortable with my body.  I didn’t feel sexy.  In the back of my mind I could hear my mother telling me that no man wants people to think he married a slut.  How I wish I could forget most of her “advice”.

I knew that meeting people and having sex with them would mean that I would be naked in front of them.  Not only would others see my flaws, but they would have their hands all over me too.  It was both exciting and scary for me.  I’m like every other girl out there… I am not happy with certain aspects of my body.  I am probably the only one who notices most of these “issues” and I know that I make them worse than they are.

Fast forward to our first play experience.  I was so nervous. We planned to enjoy the evening with some naked hot-tubbing and the moment of truth was fast approaching.  It was easier than I expected.  Getting undressed with another couple in the room was not a big deal at all.  No one screamed “Oh My God!” when the pants came off.  LOL  I was able to let that anxiety and stress go.  We all enjoyed each other and had a great time.

In all the things I thought swinging would add to our lives and relationship, a huge confidence boost for me was not one of them.  But what a nice thing it is.  The Hubby tells me how sexy and beautiful I am all the time…  but he loves me.  It’s nice to hear those compliments from others.  I’m surprised by how good it makes me feel.  I know I should be happy to feel this way about myself now, because so many women never find that satisfaction, but I wish I could have let go of those hang-ups a long time ago.


Speak Your Mind