The Elusive Single Female

I’ve been asked this question several times now…  If we started swinging because I wanted to have a girl/girl experience, why did we start with other couples and not just a single girl.  The answer is easy… single women tend to be the flakiest people in the swinging community.  Now, before you single ladies start sending me hate mail, please understand that this has been my experience and I realize that there are always exceptions.

We have had contact with a handful of single females over this last year.  One I am convinced was really a 400 pound man disguised behind a female profile.  One would only agree to play with us if we agreed to move her into our home and support her (hell no you crazy bitch!!).  The rest have either stood us up or changed the terms at the last-minute to include their current boyfriend, who we knew nothing about.  Most that have contacted us just want to see pics and sext back and forth.  At this point, I honestly think I would have better luck approaching a girl at a bar.

I realize that there are single females who have a real interest in meeting couples to play around with.  I hope to meet one of them someday.



  1. Joe Strummer says:

    Single women I swing lifestyle we find are generally dysfunctional. Come to the conclusion that any single female worth having join you doesn’t need couples or wives to have sex with. Only the the ones with baggage or spoiled relationships are available (or physical appearance is sub par). Our best single experience was with a hot married lady who’s husband granted her permission to play. Best time ever. True quality single females are rare.

    • I hate to admit it but dysfunctional has been my experience too or women who just want to play games. I’m holding out hope that we will find that one and have an awesome time.

  2. I don’t know about that. We met a nurse at a hot tub party that liked to kiss. That was what gets Becky going. She (and I) had great time.

  3. Singletons of both genders are often, in our terms, sexually or socially dysfunctional – or, which is almost more dangerous – desperate and more concerned with instant sexual gratification and personal reassurance than with the social, sensual and sharing aspects of the lifestyle. Of the very few falling-down or belligerent drunks whom I have encountered in 15 years of swinging, the huge majority have been single females or hotwives flying solo.

    In fairness, however, it must be said that the single female’s lot is not a happy one. Yes, unlike her male counterpart, she will be besieged with offers just by merit of being cloven not crested, but too often, couples want her to fuifil their fantasies – a function for which they should pay – rather than being genuinely eager to involve her in their lives as friends, protegees or whatever. We have of course enjoyed fleeting encounters with single females, as males, at parties, but have also had enduring relationships with three delightful girls who remain friends and playmates. These are intelligent, highly-sexed bi girls met at parties who have neither the will nor the desire for the bar pick-up and consequent emotional mess, nor for intense, possessive mind-games with other women simply because they desire them, so prefer the autonomy afforded by swinging.

    This does NOT mean that they want to be treated like working-girls whose function is purely sexual and so are regarded as threats or irrelevancies so soon as play is done and the male is anxious to prove that his real affection is for his partner and the female embarrassed or threatened by her erstwhile plaything. It is just as likely that one of these girls will call Hetty proposing a shopping-trip as a hot night’s play.

    Add unknown single males to your guest-lists ad lib. Most will be delighted to be used as spare cocks against shortages. Very few women, however, are happy to be spare cunts. The couple who advertises only for a non-specific single female is merely tight-fisted and taking bread from hard-working professionals’ mouths. They are users, not swingers as I understand the term.

    There are sane single females out there, but, horny though they be and willing to be gangbanged to fulfil a fantasy, they remain female and retain female sensibilities. Small wonder that so many are insecure and desperate for reassurance.

    • Mark
      Just seeing this thread. You are so right about Unicorns/SF. New to the lifestyle I am rethinking my decision. Everyone asks for a unicorn but I think that is just to “get on the bandwagon”. Most couples either don’t know what to do with me or are only using me for their own fantasies, typically the male. A friend said couples treat single women the way single men treat couples, in other words, not well and as a commodity. Single men get a bad rap but I’m getting pretty discouraged by most couples. I want to be a full partner, not just to blow the man and go down on the girl and then watch them having sex. The weeding out process is getting much more stringent and I think I will be spending more Sat nights at home. I’m very sad about it but frustration is not a great motivator.

      • Mark Brendon says:

        Ciao, Andrea, and thanks so much for the message. Don’t give up yet. It is so long since I wrote the passage about single girls on the scene that I can barely recall the words that I used, but my opinions have not, alas, changed. Couples who want a single girl to fulfil a fantasy (usually, as you say, his) should pay for it. Working girls are delighted, for a fair price, to fulfil pornographic fantasies and to flit away before reality bites.

        Swingers play as couples with couples, both equally happy to see their partners having fun. When I have been with a full-time playmate, she has on occasion found a single male whom she particularly likes just as we have on occasion been befriended by single girls and hotwives. In both instances, we have both derived pleasure from the other’s enjoyment (though obviously we can both derive equal physical pleasure from a female), but we have always been aware that she can so easily feel a gooseberry when once the sticky stuff is past and the fantasy goggles are off. Specifically to look for a single (as distinct from finding one) is to look to use someone. Men may quite like to be used and chucked away. Women, in general, do not, nor should they.
        And yes, the weeding out process is horrifically exacting. So many drooling hyaenas, so many time-wasting wankers… You need a partner and playmate who knows how you work and can share your pleasures with you. As you will hear from most true swingers, there is no pleasure quite so great as that of sharing – not to mention the anticipation before and the glorious filthy memories after. Where are you based anyhow? Which are your favoured clubs? Have you read the book? If not, why not?
        Tell me more of your adventures…

        • Yes a late response to the thread but I’m a late attendant to the swing party. Do you think you can only be a swinger if you are part of a couple? I saw that recently which made me think I will never be truly successful as a single.

          Since I posted the first response I had this experience: met a couple for dinner to “interview” them, it was ok but no fireworks. But we agreed to meet and go dancing at Trapeze. We both BYOB. They set up a shot glass for all of us, said it was peppermint schnapps, I say ok, not too strong, right. Then another one….. Well I remember very little of the evening and needless to say said/did stupid things. Found out they gave me 100 proof schnapps and never told me. Got me really drunk, you know why. I mean really, it’s a sex club, you’re gonna get laid, why do that to me? Not the first bad experience I’ve had with a couple which goes back to both of our earlier comments about being used.

          Frankly the first comments in the thread amused me, those couples think the girls are dysfunctional? Seriously, I have run across some pretty sneaky/creepy/dishonest/pathetic couples and single men pretending to be couples in the whole two months I’ve been doing this. I don’t think single girls have cornered the market on crazy.

          So I’m in Ft lauderdale and have hone to Trapeze and had some fun with two really actually good couples in the sex theme hotels near MIA. Not sure what book you’re referring to, what should I read?
          Where are you and are you English?


          • Mark Brendon says:

            Yep, I’m English, and I wrote a book (well, I’ve written 41 on other subjects) published by Harper Collins called ‘Swinging: The Games Your Neighbours Play’. You’ll find the book on Amazon and me on SDC as markbrendon… Time you took a British holiday, I reckon.
            Enough flirting. Well, on here, at least. I don’t think there are more exploitative, devious shits in swinging than elsewhere. I do think that they have less excuse than those in the vanilla world, because the principal joy of swinging – it’s raison d’etre – is openness and mutuality. Sex per se is a given, not a motive. We want good, erotic, wild, joyous, shared sex and uninhibited companionship – play. I don’t know if you need to be in a couple or at least have a couple of non-possessive fuck-buddies with whom to play. I certainly prefer it, because I love the shared build-up to orgies, the truly wondrous sex a deux which follows them and the shared memories over the breakfast-table.
            Come and taste the European scene as our guest whenever you will.

  4. Mark Brendon says:

    PS Sex theme hotels? Like the sound of those!

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